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Split: 7”

The Sex Robots boil down and sieve the gelatinous spirit of Elvis Costello into a contemporary musical Jell-o mold that’s just as good as Sweden’s The Flakes and Psychotic Youth. They’ve nailed the swinging, crisp, forlorn quality of “everything may be fucked, but we’re still dancing” vibe that most bands attempt, and fail, when approaching power pop. Cool stuff. The Mega Hurts: Come close to nailing it. They’re a sloppy, charming, three women, one dude band, but they’re not as catchy as the Pinkz or Bitch School, not as vocally powerful as The Beautys, but they’ve definitely got a stripped-down, acid sweetness Headcoatees potential that, admittedly, got better and better with each spin. Not bad at all.

–todd (Roadhouse Tunes)

Thruster: Cassette
Sounds like a kooky one-man band like Voot Warnings or Jaguar, backed by the White Light/White Heat-era Velvet Underground rhythm section, if all parties concerned got a bunch of fingers blown off lighting firecrackers behind the barn, and answering the musical question of what Darby Crash would have sounded like during that live set at the Whiskey if his slurring got so bad he actually wound up sounding like Kickboy Face as a result. Either way, these budding geniuses have surely done for Reverend Gary Davis’s “Cocaine,” what the Germs did for the Archies’ “Sugar Sugar,” and that’s saying something. FEEL THE VAST PANOPLY OF RICHES BROUGHT TO BEAR BY THE AMAZING CASSETTE FORMAT!!! BEST SONG: “Gratification.” BEST SONG TITLE: “Amputee,” which i don’t believe is the Rotters song of the same name, but it’s kinda hard to tell, really. FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Handwriting on this copy’s j-card reads “Stale Heat.”  –norb (Self-released)

Like Crows on the Slaughterhouse Fence: CD
The Misfits decide to play Swedish punk’n’roll and let a four-year-old write their lyrics. Throw away the lyric sheet and rock out. –jimmy (NDN)

Bite Your Tongue: CD
Looking at the cover and hearing the first song, all I can think is that I’m listening to what it would sound like if Poison were to play Rancid songs. With the partially naked girls on the cover making out, it comes off as these guys are more worried about getting laid than playing music and it shows. I pass. –don (Radical)

Pop Songs and Other Ways to Die: CS
‘90s alt/grunge very much like those bands featured at the listening stations at Tower Records. Remember when every cock rock glam band put away the microphone stand scarf and flannelled up? Sex Snobs are reminiscent of that period when bands literally listened to Dinosaur Jr. once. For my money, a band like Supercrush does this style so much better. –Juan Espinosa (Hip Kid, sexsnobs@gmail.com)

Vernacular Splatter: 12” EP
Lux and Ivy have kids who go down in the basement and bang around on their mom and dad’s gear, which is good, because the drums have no cymbals and the echo is up. The bad news is that the kids play some sort of incomprehensible garagey alt-plod. I’ve never heard a six-song 45 drag on so painfully before in my life. DEAR EARDRUMS: Please accept this gift of a knitting needle in the spirit in which it was given. BEST SONG AND SONG TITLE: Band is too cool to list songs anywhere. FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: There are three different colors of spray paint used for the back cover stencil, so good work on that aspect of things.  –Rev. Norb (Superdreamer)

Self-titled: Cassette
Both of these Columbus, OH bands are pretty decent, and I suspect both that the tape does not do either of them justice and in a live show they’d both rock pretty hard. Sex Tide is a guitar/drum duo who sound so much like Demolition Doll Rods that I would think that’s who it was if I didn’t know better. However, Sex Tide’s songs have a more consistent sense of rock to them than what I’ve heard from the Doll Rods, with their occasional turgid droners that make me want to change the record. Bloody Show is a trio that sounds to me like local bands from Detroit/Hamtramck when I lived in that area—they’ve got this gritty, plodding-but-driving feel to them reminiscent of Detroit-area bands from the early-to-mid-2000s. They’re kind of like Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, but with much more raw urgency and much less production value. Score two for Columbus!  –The Lord Kveldulfr (No address listed)

Self-titled: CD-R
I am fairly certain that if I had heard this band before moving to the Pacific Northwest, that I would have strongly reconsidered my decision to live in Portland. It is disappointing to see that a city so full of amazing music can slip something like this into the scene and have the hipsters just eat it up. Instruments are played not to create any sort of melody, but to sound as rudimentary and off rhythm as possible. Tape noise or electronic drums are thrown in to distract you from how boring the music sounds. I admit to almost enjoying two tracks, but only because they had a similar feeling of a Dead Milkmen spoken song. Then the lyrics made me cringe out of embarrassment for anyone who would find this mildly entertaining. The saddest aspect of this release isn’t in itself, but the fact that there are more than a handful of these “artsy” and “hip” fashion bands in Portland, and the local papers can’t write enough praise. I am entirely grateful for the amazing bands here now like the Clorox Girls, Observers, Flip Tops, Dead Moon, and the list goes on. If it wasn’t for them, I would have already moved far away. –Guest Contributor (jamessqueaky@yahoo.com)

Self-Titled: CD EP

If Redd Kross had been a death rock band, I have no doubt they would’ve sounded just like this.

–jimmy (www.sexwithlurch.com)

Statutory Rock: CD
This doesn't do it for me. Just kind of unremarkable rock. –megan (Oh the Humanity)

Statutory Rock: CD
This doesn’t do it for me. Just kind of unremarkable rock. –megan (Oh The Humanity)

Great, More Garbage: Cassette
A crusty, crushing feel to this one, and it feels like I’ve heard it before. It’s there, it’s good, but it’s not turning my world upside down or anything. Sorry about the brevity, gents, but that’s the way it is. –The Lord Kveldulfr (sexbunker2000@gmail.com)

: 7”
I had such high hopes for this one. What, with the illustration the size of the insert of a cock and balls with “SEXXIST PZZN #1” on it and clear vinyl with bad drawings I seriously thought I had a winner here. How wrong I was. Synthezied samples (though the notes say “no samples ever”) and echo-y vocals.  –megan (Omnibus)

Det ärliga CV:t: LP
Sloppy, obnoxious, female-fronted punk rock from members of Skitsystem, Local Oafs, and others. Good for a laugh or two, then it’s time to move on. –jimmy (Skrammel)

Generation Sext: CD
If name and packaging steered you in the direction of assuming that this was some manner of low-budget mixed-gender synth-punk mini-ruckus like the Poppets or Nazis From Mars or even Stereo Total, name and packaging have steered you wrong. This is a slightly more synthy and marginally less slick version of the breathier stuff they play on the radio stations that play Katy Perry and Juicy J and what-not. I guess if you’re the type that goes to gay bars just to listen to the music, this might be some slight improvement over the standard fare. Good for you. BEST SONG: Fuck, dude, come on. BEST SONG TITLE: “Smut Wars” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: I have the same lightning bolt guitar strap as Stephanie.  –norb (Self-released, sxtmsg.me)

Old School Rules: 7”
You wrote a song about Venom and Mary Jane gangbanging Spider-Man? What possesses people to do things like that? I’m not disgusted or offended or anything, but I just can’t comprehend why you would go out of your way to write, record, then use money on expensive vinyl to print something like that. I’m sorry I didn’t write about any of your five other songs, but that is just distracting. I guess if I were in a generic hardcore band, I’d try something strange like that too. –Bryan Static (United Riot)

Boma Ye!: CD
I can’t describe how happy I was to see this when it came in. Por Vida is one of my favorite albums. But this walks a very different path than Por Vida. The instant infection of the songs, that immediate catchiness that made each track of Por Vida essential from first listen, just isn’t there. I’ve listened to this over and over trying to get it under my skin, and it has to a degree. It almost sounds as if this would be the album that precedes Por Vida, the album they would have grown from and built off of, so I almost see it as a regression rather than a new step for them. I was worried that it may have been my bias due to my adoration of Por Vida, so I got tricky. I’d put it on for people who loved the first album without telling them what it was. They would listen with half an ear and then by about the fourth song ask who was it was, and were always surprised that it was Sexy. With time, it’s grown on me, and I find some songs (like the run of “Choke the World” through “T.K.I.YT.”) that I play over and over again. It’s still a strong record; I just had really, really high expectations. –megan (Plan-it-x-south)

Por Vida: LP
I was a bit conflicted on this. My friend Rawl said it was great. My friend Josh said that one of them had to be physically removed from his house after spray painting their bathroom. I gave it a listen. It’s really fucking good. Spastic in the vein of Fleshies and The Bananas. My advice: Definitely pick up the album, but pat ‘em down before letting them in your pisser. –megan (Onion Flavored)

Por Vida: LP
Musical regrets are a dime a dozen. But, I think this one hits many DIY punk folks more acutely. Por Vida was initially released on Onion Flavored in 2002/2003 in a pressing of five hundred. Poof. Gone. No re-press. And although the CD version remained (remains?) available for quite some time, I’m with you on this. The CD isn’t the same as the LP, especially with a band like Sexy that seems at home being played on shitty stereos with milk crates of records by the side. Christians can have their Easter Bunny, Buddhists can Big Wheel into the next life on their reincarnation wheels, and I’ll put my chips in with the importance of keeping great music (especially records) in print, long after other bands from 2002 are understandably buried and forgotten. It’s because this shit makes me feel happy and alive and good and human. Sexy’s great. Sexy’s dead. Long live Sexy. –todd (Thrillhouse)

Split: 7”
Sexy Crimes: Good gravy! This is awful. Her voice is so high I thought I had the turntable on 45. Looks like they’ve got the Shellshag/Carpenters set-up, but, sadly, don’t come close to those. Yup, the Carpenters are better. Sports Bar: My experience with sports bars is that sitting here, I kind of hate them, but when I’ve actually gone to one, had a few beers, and actually taken in all it has to offer in person, it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I feel like Sports Bar would be the same if I ever saw them live. –megan (Sweet Dreams/Flisa)

Dream Out: CD
Sexy Neighbors are one of those bands most people I know would probably consider an “acquired taste,” but I’d totally geek out over at a gig—a guitar player who prefers trebly, clean channels and often veers off into his own herky-jerky rhythmed world; what might be a Farfisa organ layered over quirky, arty punk, and a singer who sounds like he’s trying to find some sorta sweet spot between Gordon Gano and Chris D. The ten songs here often teeter dangerously on the brink of going on a bit longer than they should, but their sound leaves plenty of room for experimentation and growth. –jimmy (Kings Highway, no address listed)

Too Weird to Live: CD
Full discography release from this North Carolina punk trio that existed from 1999-2005. The CD starts off strong with “Animals” and plows through another twenty-six songs after that. Fans of Fear and Murphy’s Law would probably dig this record. Other than an ill-advised ska number and a throwaway instrumental at the end, there is solid material here from start to finish. Don’t expect a reunion show though, since one of the members joined ANTiSEEN. –koepenick (Mystery School, myspace.com/mysteryschoolrecords)

Proggy synth punk from Philadelphia, drawing from both Rush and Gary Newman with Ozzyish vocals. If you wanna get weeiiirrrrrddddd, this is the record to do it to. Engaging, but still goes way out there.  –Daryl Gussin (P. Trash / FDH)

self-titled: 7"
“True drug-addled, hate-inspired, precision punk rock in the form of one minute tunes.” That’s what their label says about this record and even though the tunes were a little over one minute, that’s a good description for this. It’s a two-song punk rock single with all the trimmings. If you like fast and furious punk, here you go. Don’t mind that the band has long since split. The music will still remain the same: fast and rockin’. Well done and put out by Rapid Pulse, who are known for mainly doing 7”s of their favorite bands –Guest Contributor (Rapid Pulse)

self-titled: 7"
Two short blasts, of lean, mean punk rock, the first being an original clocking in at 1:12 and the second a cover of Slaughter and the Dogs’ “The Bitch” that ain’t much longer. Good stuff. –jimmy (Rapid Pulse)

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