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Record Reviews

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Below are some recently posted reviews.

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RIMLORD:
Lord of the Rim: CD
The fact that I found myself completely engrossed in reading the news that Lisa Marie Presley and Nicholas Cage are divorcing and totally ignoring the music coming outta my speakers while this was on does not say much about this release that can be construed as positive.
–jimmy (No address)


REV. NØRB:
Earth: CD
Where the hell do I start? Am I being set up here? Is this some kind of hazing stunt, just cuz I'm the dopey new guy here? Rev. Nørb's a fellow Razorcaker, for crissakes, not to mention a punk rock icon of the loftiest cosmic heft. How does one even begin to approach Earth's Greatest Rocker? Well, first let me state: I consider the Good Reverend to be a national treasure, at very least on par with the hotly controversial Garrison Keillor. Nørb's tenure at MRR alone should garner him some sort of punk purple heart. He was, perhaps along with George Tabb and Mykel Board, the lone organ of humor at that mummified institution for years. But I'll be honest: I've always worried that Nørb might turn himself into the Soupy Sales or Tom Green of punk rock. Severe times demand rash acts of buffoonery, God knows. But Nørb is too valuable to deserve to be painted into a corner where he's trapped slapping himself in the face with lemon meringue pies over and over again for the rest of his days. I mean, how many punk icons turned themselves into cartoons? It's a staggering list with names like Sid Vicious, Darby Crash, El Duce – and the Bluto of punk, GG Allin – floating lifelessly around at the top. The Ramones were 100 % cartoon characters from the hey-ho-get-go. But maybe being a cartoon character is the noblest way out. Fuck. What do I know? I'm a jug-headed retard of such breathtaking insignificance that I'm not worthy of scrubbing Nørb's soiled clown noses. But the more I listen to this CD, the more I realize that my fears are unfounded – if only for the simple fact that Nørb isn't just slapstick and prat falls and funny outfits – there is a deucedly clever intellect at work here. The song "My Drums Are Cooler Than Shit" alone whisked away any doubts I might've have. Norb is sorta like a hyperactive Joey Ramone, if Joey had a brain bigger than a whoopee cushion and tackled lyrics having to do with theology, Einsteinian physics and the under appreciated value of male ejaculant. Yes, in the pantheon of Earth's goofball demigods, Rev. Nørb's place is secure. I'm just glad I got through this review without using the words "wacky" and "zany." Oops.
–aphid (Bulge)


RESCUE:
Volume Plus Volume: CD
These angular chords and strangled vocals might someday grow on me, but I’m not going to doze off for twenty years so it can happen. This is typical emo. Although the musicianship seems slightly elevated above the teeming masses, these lads actually seem to be able to include semblances of melody lines in their dissonance and dynamics which puts them approximately one tight sweater ahead of the rest of their ilk when tallying up their scene points.
–scott (Dead Droid)


REIGNING SOUND:
Time Bomb High School: CD
Hey now! It’s the first In The Red release I ever didn’t like. Utterly barren of the noise and energy I’ve always thought of as the label’s hallmarks, they remind me of the Lemonheads when they were even worse than before.
–Cuss Baxter (In The Red)


REDEMPTION 87:
All Guns Poolside: CD
Man, I built up so much hate for everything that developed from the original New England youth crew scene I forgot how fucking good Youth of Today and some of the others were. Taking YOT and the Cro Mags as starting points and then not going anywhere else (except to the Bad Brains and Negative Approach for covers), R87 tears down the walls with the best NYHC I’ve heard in many years and so what if it’s retro? I’m already tired of the bandana refestival, so I’ll chew on this until someone starts a revival of the classic work of Kilslug.
–Cuss Baxter (Blackout!)


REAGAN SS:
Hail the New Dawn: 7"
No, hater, it's not an interpretive 7" of the Skrewdriver album of the same name. It's lights-out, anger-eyed, hammer-thrown-to-kneecap, ulcer-throated pugilist LA hardcore that seems to end mere seconds after it starts, wanting all yuppies and trust funders dead on contact. You get war on a both sides, but on the B-side, there's a picture of cute kid, Henry, with a shampoo mohawk. Highly recommended. Not a wasted note, no fucking around, slowly reclaiming the word "hardcore" back to its original meaning. I picked up two copies. The special cover has a picture of Reagan sodomizing a hermaphrodite Thatcher. Sweet, sweet political blasphemy.
–todd (625)


REACT/SPAZM 151:
: Split LP
React: Situated midway between Harum Scarum and Discharge, you get the "we're all fucked, let's write songs about it" school, with bass-heavy drumming and tag teaming female-male voices. It gets antsy and crusty, growly, and remains fast, but the drums and guitars could have easily been taken directly from ten other albums I currently own and, frankly, don't listen to much any more. It made me really want to listen to Motorhead while their music had me thinking of a serious movie, like All's Quiet on the Western Front, acted out with Muppets. I wasn't quite feeling it how they intended. Spazm 151: Hardcore's a tough gig nowadays. It's a genre that's treated like it's over and done with, not only by the media, but 80 % of the bands that play it reflexively. I hear too many bands play straight-up Minor Threat of Youth of Today ripoffs, tooling those songs with as much verve as reciting the Gettysburg Address verbatim for a disinterested class. Spazm 151, although not reinventing the wheel, sound like they mean what they play and don’t come across like a Civil War reenactment battle done for benefit of tourists. Mean, angry, good stuff.
–todd (13th Floor)


REACHING OUT:
Complete Discography 1998-2000: CD
Two years of youth crew stuff compiled on one disc so you won’t have to spend all your McDonalds money on the original releases. Might be the punk rock generation gap finally rearing its ugly head, but I thought this was pretty lame. Then again, me knowing me the way I do, I would no doubt feel the same if I were fifteen again.
–jimmy (Martyr)


RANCID VAT:
The Cheesestake Years: CD
Pretty typical redneck rock'n'roll here. A genre of music I'm akin to. However, this doesn't do much for me. It's not that it's bad, it's just not that good. There is nothing to reel me in and make me start tapping my feet or bobbing my head. Sounds like a second rate Antiseen.
–toby (Steel Cage)


RAMONES:
Too Tough to Die: CD
With this eighth studio release, the Ramones came back to plant their flag in the asses of lame imitators, showing that they’ve always had a hard edge, and this LP has more than declared that to be true. With the Rhino re-issue of Too Tough, you don’t only get this reclamation of the Ramones roots, but a whole lotta bonus offerings like demo versions of a bunch of the LP’s cuts. Also included here are the Dee Dee vocal versions of “Planet Earth 1988," “Danger Zone," and “Too Tough to Die," which will want to make you start a pit on the freeway with your vehicle. And let me just add that the Dee Dee vocal versions add a new dimension to these songs, not that Joey wasn’t fucking key to begin with, ‘cause he always was. Some U.K. b-side singles “Smash You” and the Stones cover of “Street Fighting Man” are here, too, as well as the unreleased “Out of Here” and “I’m Not an Answer." Every time I throw Too Tough on the stereo it reminds me how the Ramones kicked off their live shows with “Durango 95” from this LP. Magic. Absolute fucking magic.
–dale (Rhino)


RAMONES:
Subterranean Jungle: CD
It’s so fucking cool to see Rhino re-issue this, ‘cause when the Ramones originally released Jungle back in 1983, it ended up being their most lowest-selling LP to date, thus making it a bit collectible being that there were not a whole lot of copies to be re-pressed. Anyone who discounts this record is up to their tonsils in their own shit, ‘cause Jungle still holds its own to this day with Dee Dee’s “Time Bomb," “Highest Trails Above," “In the Park," “Outsider," and his collaboration with Johnny, “Psycho Therapy." It’s no one’s fault but the listeners that this LP isn’t considered one of their “favorites." I personally love each and every Ramones slab differently – but always unconditionally – because they consistently put out great albums. No, don’t argue – it's not an opinion. It’s a fact. Fuck you very much. The bonus cuts here on Jungle, by far, are some of the most rockin’ unreleased demos included with these Ramones re-issues, especially “Bumming Along," which could have easily been put on the original Jungle release. That song’s pure, unharnessed, locomotive-driven Ramones power, I’m telling ya. Other unreleased tracks are “New Girl in Town," “No One to Blame," “Roots of Hatred," and “Unhappy Girl." There’s also the original mix of “Indian Giver” and an acoustic version of the Jungle cut, “My-My Kind of Girl." If you don’t own this already, Rhino’s definitely throwing you a bone, so go grab it, or you can massage my bone, fucko.
–dale (Rhino)


RAMONES:
Self-titled: CD
I’m actually surprised that no one here at the ’Cake didn’t take a second or two to review any of the Ramones re-issues that Rhino put out. Since the last eighteen months or so, Rhino has re-packaged the first eight LPs of Ramones studio fury, and I’ve felt like Howard Stern at a girly-girl lesbian convention ever since. The first four CDs hit the shelves in 2001 and the next four discs in 2002. Being thee unconditional fan of the brothers Ramone, I’m gonna take some time here to tell all you sacrilegious simps who haven’t picked this up yet (or any of the others) just what you’re missing out on. Besides all fourteen songs of the original LP re-mastered and roaring out of the stereo, you get early demos of some of this LP’s cuts and a coupla unreleased tracks that were on the All The Stuff & More Volume One re-issue. Also included is an early demo of “You Should Never Have Opened That Door,” later on their second release, Leave Home, and the 7” version of “Blitzkrieg Bop,” which has a wonderful live essence to Joey’s vocal track. The booklet with the disc, as with all the booklets included with these Ramones re-issues, contain pics, history of the album’s creation, and complete lyrics. In this particular booklet, there are some pics that make it amazing to believe that the same Ramones’ debut that hit the world some twenty-seven years ago is still wowing new fans today. Fuckin’-A, it does. Rhino even took the paper tracking labels from the original vinyl records and screened them right onto all these re-issue CDs themselves. Too fucking cool. If this record isn’t already in the “R” section of your vinyl collection, Rhino is giving you a second lease on life to get one of the best reasons to listen to one of the best things to happen to rock'n'roll.
–dale (Rhino)


RAMONES:
Pleasant Dreams: CD
The sixth Ramones LP, gloriously re-issued with an assload of demos to boot. Demo cuts include a 1981 version of “Touring” which was re-recorded for the 1992 LP, Mondo Bizarro and an alternate version of the Get Crazy soundtrack cut, “Chop Suey." There’s the demo version of “I Can’t Get You Outta My Mind," which was re-recorded for the 1989 Brain Drain LP later on. And then there’s the unreleased cuts: “Kicks to Try," “Sleeping Troubles," “Stares in This Town," and “I’m Not An answer." The disc tray even has the original LP cover artwork that was to be for the album. This is yet another classic Ramones slab that was easily overlooked. Just listen to “All’s Quiet on the Eastern Front," “You Didn’t Mean Anything to Me," or “She’s a Sensation," not to mention “We Want the Airwaves” and “The KKK Took My Baby Away." I’ll bet dollars to Homer Simpson’s donuts that the blood'll start pulsing rapidly through that jaded heart of yours. Play loud!
–dale (Rhino)


RAMONES:
End of the Century: CD
This is Rhino’s re-issue of the terribly underrated fifth Ramones LP, originally brought unto fans from one Phil Spector back in 1979. I defy anyone to listen to “This Ain’t Havana," “All The Way," “I Can’t Make It On Time," or “Let’s Go” and not feel the need to pogo. This is also the LP that brought such live-set staples like “Do You Remember Rock ‘N’ Roll Radio?” as well as “Rock ‘N’ Roll High School” and “Chinese Rock." The bonus cuts here are really happenin’ with demo versions of certain “Century” cuts, especially the bitchin’ version of “Danny Says." Also included is the unreleased “Please Don’t Leave” demo and the soundtrack version of “Rock ‘N’ Roll High School." Like crack, this record was always quite addictive, and now with this re-ish, I’m really hooked, and if you ain’t, that makes you a crack hooker. So there.
–dale (Rhino)


RAMONES:
Road to Ruin: CD
This is the Ramones' fourth LP in Rhino’s series of re-introducing America’s band to a new generation, as well as making old fans smile even more. This shine, shine, SHINES. Yeah, fuck, I know – this is the LP that includes “I Wanna Be Sedated.” But it’s also the LP that houses “Go Mental,” “Bad Brain,” “I Don’t Want You,” “She’s the One,” “I Just Want to Have Something to Do,” and possibly one of the most perfect Ramones songs ever laid down on a studio reel, “I’m Against It.” This is also the LP that showed the world that the Ramones were capable of handling ballad-type-crooners, like the near-perfect “Questioningly” and their cover of “Needles & Pins.” Bonus cuts here include producer Ed Stasium-recorded versions of “I Want You Around” and “Rock ‘N Roll High School.” The live five-song medley from the film, “Rock ‘N Roll High School” is here, too, as well as an unreleased demo, “Come Back, She Cried A.K.A. I Walk Out” and the demo, “Yea, Yea” from the All The Stuff & More Volume 2 reissue. God DAMN, I love this record. Share the love, people, share the love.
–dale (Rhino)


RAMONES:
Rocket to Russia: CD
Rhino did a fine-ass job on this re-issue of the Ramones third LP – not only on the music itself, but recreating the inner sleeve of the original LP in the booklet here with all the cool John Holmstrom (one of the co-founders of the original Punk zine of NYC) artwork. Bonus tracks here include the U.K. 7” b-side version of “It’s a Long Way Back to Germany,” which was later recorded with new drummer Marky on the Road to Ruin LP, as well as an early version of “Needles & Pins.” Single versions of “I Don’t Care” and “Sheena Is a Punk Rocker” are here, too, as well as the demo, “Slug,” which appeared earlier on the All The Stuff & More re-issues. Excellent job here. Need I tell you how much you want this? I thought not.
–dale (Rhino)


RAMONES:
Leave Home: CD
The second Ramones LP re-release from Rhino, including the original track #5 cut, “Carbona Not Glue” that was recalled off the shelves in 1977 due to trademark infringements. Now it’s back, remastered, and blissfully louder than ever, with bonus cuts “Babysitter” (which was used to replace the re-called “Carbona” in the U.K.) and a sixteen-song set of vintage Ramones blowing minds on 8/12/76 at the Roxy in Hollywood. The booklet, like the rest of these, is an interesting introspective on the history of Leave Home, complete with pics. Give that worn-out vinyl version some rest and test the limits of your CD player with this one. Your disc player will thank you for it.

–dale (Rhino)


RAMBO/CRUCIAL UNIT:
: Split 7"
Rambo: First track is a East Coast mosh fest that keeps the pit moving. The second and third tracks blasts off like a laser guided missile aimed at a strategic target, ready for destruction. Crucial Unit: More manic and intense than Rambo. The vocals are screamo and the beats fly by at lightning speed. You feel like you have to hold on for dear life. They definitely win the speed contest here. Both bands hail from Philadelphia. The theme of the split is bicycles. This was a great introduction to both of these bands for me.
–don (Ed Walters)


PUGET SOUND:
Self-titled: CD
I commend their successful efforts to stand out from the hardcore hordes by striving for their own “sound,” but I’ve got to admit I ain’t too impressed with that sound as a potential fan. Not to say they aren’t any good or anything, they just don’t get my juices flowing. Put another way, I respect ’em, I applaud ’em, but I just don’t dig ’em.
–jimmy (Rejected)


PUFFBALL:
Solid State (Eight Track): 10" EP
I know that I reviewed another Puffball release not too long ago and remember it being not half bad, kinda Hellacopters-ish, kinda Zeke-ish. This EP follows pretty much in the same vein, but I’m betting that the Backyard Babies would win in a street fight against these guys. Then again, Hollywood Hate would come barreling down that street, roaring violently over everyone, leaving both bands a flattened, bloodied afterbirth mess all over the pavement. Whaddya think about that, fuckers?
–dale (puffball@malarnet.com)


PRETTY GIRLS, THE:
Self-titled: CD
I thought I was going to hate this when I picked it up, I mean c’mon there’s guys smellin’ flowers on the back! I really like it in doses though. It’s pretty much straightforward Brit pop (even though they’re out of Sacramento.) Heavily reminiscent of Supergrass’ I Should Coco. Definitely worth a listen for fans of Pulp and Blur and such.
–megan (Trap Door)


PLANET FOR TEXAS, A:
Sprechen Sie Rock?: CD
This starts out mighty fine – a hopped-up Zeke/Motorhead singalong ditty about truckstop speed, with sweltering breakaparts and neat dynamics – along the lines of what The Reaction put out a couple months back. Pleasant and ferocious enough to warrant a smile. Then, song by song, the band takes bigger nibbles at a big chunk of dry bubblegum; No Use For A Name-reminiscent pop punk or like all Digger albums, except Powerbait. I understand it's a trick to put toughness and grit into Beach Boys-derived pop punk – the Badtown Boys do exceptionally it well – but A Planet For Texas just don't stick it. I don't necessarily hate it, but songs like "The Day I Almost Died" – where the narrator almost ended his "kick ass life" by choking on a fry while driving – come off as too clever and cute and ruin it for me. It's also a lame idea to have people go to your website for lyrics. That's what the fuckin' inside of the cover's for. Am I wrong?
–todd (Diaphragm)


PLAIN WHITE T'S:
Stop: CD
Another band putting an apostrophe where it doesn't belong. But I could forgive that if this wasn't such unabashed Bon Jovi weenie rock. I realize that Wattie from the Exploited was a grade A chucklefuck from day one and he has actually managed to become even more of a dim-witted mean cartoon character with each passing year, but after listening to the Plain White T's I want to lock myself in the basement, roll around in the litter box and crank nothing but Exploited discs for an entire week. Oh how I long for ugly naked rock covered with warts and zits and boils and carbunckles and un-wiped butt cracks. Calling this dreck "radio-friendly" is an understatement: this disc wants to tear its clothes off, jump on top of your radio, and hump the daylights out of it. Yuck.
–aphid (Fearless)


PIRANHAS:
Erotic Grit Movies: CD
GodDAMN, is this one glorious mess. Imagine the Flesh Eaters having being served a serious beat-down by the unholy tag team of a coked-out Pere Ubu and meth-addled Stooges and you ain’t even close. This is music to get ugly by, music that will encourage you to tear shit up and go hog wild, music that prolonged listening to might actually result in a lengthy prison stay. Don’t believe me? Just give a listen to “Isolation” and tell me you don’t feel like kicking the neighbor’s annoying fucking cat for a 75-yard field goal.
–jimmy (In The Red)


PIEDMONT CHARISMA:
Piedmont Charisma: CD
Sweet merciful Christ. Here’s the recipe: combine equal parts The Faint with annoying synth-poppers from the early 1980s – clone The Thompson Twins and Soft Cell to make sure the mix is right – then blend until smooth. Drink. Approximately fifteen minutes later, you will feel a pressure in your bowels and after rushing to the toilet to relieve yourself, you will find this record floating in the bowl. Do yourself a favor and flush without retrieving it.
–scott (Slave)


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·Big Frank Harrison suffered a massive heart attack.
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·ANY BEANS NECESSARY
·CYNICS, THE
·Y EQUALS, THE
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·DOUBLE NEGATIVE
·PROFANE EXISTENCE #50/51


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